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Anonymous1: Elsewhere, Commissioner Gordon tries valiantly to convince a local newspaper into not running a story on a dossier that the publication has recently came into possession of. The dossier, allegedly compiled by a detective hired by the parents of Martha Wayne (Batman's mother), contains many shocking revelations: that Alfred Pennyworth (Batman's loyal butler/confidant) is Bruce Wayne's true biological father, that Thomas Wayne was a drunk who got his wife Martha addicted to heroin, as well as photographs of an orgy involving Thomas and Martha Wayne, Alfred, and the stars of a noir film "The Black Glove".
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Anonymous2(1): lolwut.