Anonymous1: When it was my turn to present him what I gathered, I was shaking all over; he sat in his rocking chair with two dogs laying beside him; growling at me. When I handed him the bag I didn’t once look at him, my eyes were locked upon the growling dogs. When Mr. Hammarazar finished looking through the bag to see how much I had gathered, he grinned at me. “You staring at my dogs?” He grunted. I turned my eyes to him. “Y-yes… yes sir.” He laughed. “They won’t harm you… unless I tell them to. They’re just a precaution; ya can’t thrust no folk around here any more.” he said rocking back and forth. “Some people think they can just steal my crops, but these two dogs here can smell if there’s someone who shouldn’t belong in my cornfield, or… if someone who works for me is trying to sneak some away. But your not one of them folk are you boy?” “N-no… sir.” he smiled. “And best you don’t become one of those folk… right boy?” I swallowed. “R-r-right sir.” “Good” he reached into his pockets and told me to put out my hands. Dropped a couple of coins in them and said. “Best you be going home now boy.”
Anonymous10(1): oh... and as for you anon.34! if you dont read the comments how are you responding to them?! did you mother suck on your virgina when you were a kid?? is this why your a faggot and messes p???! HUH?
Luxiore: I've got an idea for ya, Toad. It's real nifty. If ya take that thar story and put it on a site that actually gives a fuck and not on a porn site, people might take you seriously. Oh, and one more thing, you might wanna give some thought to becoming a member, cause that signature thing is mildly gay. Good luck, and fuck off.
Urbane_Guerrilla: Accurate usage is essential in telling a story unless it's entirely in country dialect, which this story is not. You lay eggs (putting something somewhere), and you lie down (putting yourself recumbent). Grasp this difference despite what anyone around you says in an excess, or access, of ignorance. Bad usage really frays that thread that suspends disbelief, and it's why so much fanfic and 'netfic is so simply awful. It's because it's far too amateurish. Trust has no H... see what that one letter did to that entire sentence? Hash. A storyteller can't afford that. Work on your understanding of where commas go, and what they do when they get there.
I'm writing a book! yipee!
cant wait,
the toad
cant wait,
the toad
"Dropped a couple of coins in them and said."
That is not a complete sentence, and, therefore; a fragment.
At the beginning, you opened too many sentences with, 'when'.
"When it was my turn to present him. . . ."
"When Mr. Hammarazar finished looking through the bag to see how much I had gathered. . . ."
You wrote:
. . . ya can't trust no folk around here any more." He said. . . .
That's a sentence fragment. You should have put a comma, then continued.
Anyway, if you're writing a book, I suggest that you do a bit more proof reading.
cant wait,
the toad
cant wait,
the toad
cant wait,
the toad
cant wait,
the toad
cant wait,
the toad
refering to Kitara btw