it's me doug again and i went and did it. i fucking killed roger and patty. i finally worked up the nerve to ask patty out and she accepted and the first few months were bliss. we'd go out on dates, hug and kiss alot, and hang out. one day i told patty that i loved her. she said she loved me and that's when we had sex. it was my first time but she seemed to know what she was doing. it was the last time she had sex with me. a few days later we got into an argument and she told me that i couldn't satisfy her and that i wasn't half the man that roger was. i couldn't control myself and i hit her. then i started crying and she started crying and we both apologized and made love again. for the next few weeks things seemed to go back to the way things were, but i've noticed roger and her giving each other weird looks. at first i didn't think nothing of it but skeeter told me that roger's been sniffing around the hen house while i'm away studying for the big test.
well a few days later i went to patty's house and i walk in on roger and patty fucking. i was heartbroken. i sobbed like a little girl. eventually my sadness turned to anger and i thought, what would quailman do?? just then i heard a voice come out as if out of nowhere, "you must kill them doug. you must kill them both." so then i put on my quailman costume and decide that they both must pay for this. i grab a knife out of the kitchen, and i fill a sock full of pennies, and some rope and a can of gas from the garage and then proceed to patty's house hoping that they are both still there. i creep to the window and look into the bedroom and see them both still in bed asleep. i bet they didn't even notice when i walked in on them. fucking whores.
so then i let myself in. quietly as i have a key. roger is at this time up and going to the bathroom. quietly i sneak up on him and hit him on the head with the sock and he drops like a sack of honker burgers. next i tie him up and go into the bedroom. there's patty, sleeping the sleep of the innocent. my angel.
patty my love.
patty you whore.
you said you'd love me forever.
i then take out my knife and wake patty up gently. when her eyes open and she realizes who it is i put my hand over her mouth and show her the knife and tell her to be quiet or i'll kill her. then i bind her hands, gag her, and blindfold her and walk her down to the front room where roger is bound and gagged. i pull up a chair for her and tie her to it. i then clear off the coffee table and place roger upon it and tie him down.
Jeb: i turn on a light and take patty's blindfold off and the first thing she see's is roger's naked and unconscious form tied to the table. she starts struggling to get out of the chair. her squirming is making me hot with the thought of how she used to squirm on me like that, and that memory only serves to enrage me further.
i ball up my fist and hit her. i ask her why did she do this to me?? why don't you love me??? she tells me she loves me.
all of the sudden i hear quailman's voice again saying that she's nothing but a whore and she needs to pay. and i agree. i go out into the garage and look for some tools and i find a hacksaw, some rubber tubing, and a flathead screw driver. i take them back into the front room and go and fill a bucket with water and dump it on roger's nude body.
he wakes up and has no clue where he is. but once he sees me he gets a terrified look in his eyes. it's satisfying and i chuckle. just then i get an idea that i should let them go and that maybe this isn't such a good idea that they have been scared enough.
and i hear quailman shout YOU FAGGOT LOSER, ONCE SKEETER LEARNS OF THIS HE'LL TELL EVERYONE AND YOU'LL BE A LAUGHING STOCK. and it's true skeeter would tell everyone. once he gets a few lines of coke into him he can't keep his mouth shut about anything.
i can feel it.
the night.
the sorrow.
patty my love.
i reply; "patty, for the crime of being a whore the punishment is death. roger for the crime of being a total douchebag i'm gonna cut things off of you and if you live good. but i doubt you will. oh and patty you get to watch." I say with an ever widening smile spreading across my face like a fire tearing through the rainforest.
then i get to work. first I tie off just above his ankle with some rubber tubing and then take the hacksaw and start sawing through roger's ankle and he starts making muffled screaming noises through the gag i have on him and trying to kick, tears stream down his face. i take a hammer i found in the garage and hit him on the balls with it and tell him that if he wants to live then he'd better stay still. I might get a sloppy cut.
I then look at patty to see her reaction and she’s got her eyes closed tight and she’s sobbing through her gag. That won’t do at all. She needs to see the consequences of her actions. So I go looking through the house for an xacto knife. And I happen to find one in the garage with her father’s tools. I then come into the living room and grab her by her chin and say look at me. She refuses and I slap her. My angel. My love. My patty.
I then tell her if she dosen’t open her fucking eyes right this second and look at me I’m going to peel her eyelids off. She still dosen’t open her eyes, so me being the man of my word cut her eyelids off. one simple stroke. and she’s shaking. I look back at roger and he’s sweating and his eyes are fixed on the ceiling and he’s making noises through his gag. I put my xacto down and pick up the kitchen knife and cut off his gag so I can hear what he’s saying. Right then he starts begging. pleading. "For the love of god doug you’ve done enough. Please don’t kill us, we get the point I won’t fuck with you no more please doug please doug pleasepleaseplease." It’s then I say to him I’m not doug. I’m the motherfucking quailman.
Irishlove747: Anonymous18: Hello, 911? My childhood was just viciously raped.
operator: omfg yours to wht the fuck is going on thts like the 10th call in an hour
Inquisitor_Talis: Mumma, no! Mumma, NO! Cant get the vileness out of my head! I close my eyes and all I see is.......scrotum blood, scotum bloody everywhere. (Insert dispondent woody here)
Franky_Whiskey: @Anonymous: Paheal was hardcore back then. The features once took care of weeding out the weak and unworthy of enjoying teh lulz. I blame MLP:FiM for our eventual softening.
@Deathcock: Doug is ridden with amazing stuff. But so are other cartoons from '90's Nickelodeon. I have one such series in mind whose porn is quite mind bending.
Tetragrammaton: @Franky_Whiskey: Don't blame MLP:FiM for it, the user base had to have been previously soft beforehand to be effected by MLP:FiM, there are still those left from that time and peroid who fight however.
Franky_Whiskey: @Tetragrammaton: More than probably I'll just vanish and leave this dead shell behind for others to gawk at. I'll start anew somewhere else, with somewith else.
Anonymous46: You're too retarded to comprehend the controlled chaos between Titanium's featured image picks. You are like a sea monkey compared to his gargantuan gigas girth.
Evil-Hammond-666: When devil is too busy, and death's a bit too much, they call me on name you see for my special touch.
to the gentleman I'm miss-fortune
to the ladies I'm sir-prise
but call me by any name
anyway it's all the same
I'm the fly in your soup
I'm the pebble in your shoe
I'm the pea beneath your bed
I'm a bump on every head
I'm the peel on which you slip
I'm a pin on every hip
I'm a thorn in your side makes you wiggle and writhe
and it's so easy being evil
this is the life you see
the devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I'm evil
and I do it all for free
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.
Anonymous55(54): if you guys are looking for anime , girls, pony, yuri, why dont you just go to ANY OTHER FUCKING SITE ON THE WHOLE INTERNET? stay the fuck off this one, it's for cartoonphiles, not typical 13 year old kids like you.
Anonymous58: Can't remember the last time I watched Doug. Almost 10 years probably. Took long enough for this to be featured. Doug 34 doesn't get enough attention.
Anonymous65: Seriously. Shit like this getting featured is one of the major reasons why I don't want to use this site. It's really disturbing my glorious fappage. Just fuck off with this shit already.
Robbie_the_Rabbit: I've never caught <i>Doug</i>. In the show, though, Doug is voiced by David Duchovny, right? Because that's whose voice I'm hearing when I read Doug's balloon in this picture.
lucidabsinthe: Too many people forget what this website is about. It's suppose to be funny and disgusting. If you want sexy and perfect rule 34, go to hentai foundry or something.
Anonymous74: wow people are so lame I laughed at this shit for a long time. people here need to grow a spin and stop bitching about shit and enjoy it in someway. bunch of weak willed fartfaces.
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What are Honker nuggets anyway?
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JACK BANDIT!
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it's me doug again and i went and did it. i fucking killed roger and patty. i finally worked up the nerve to ask patty out and she accepted and the first few months were bliss. we'd go out on dates, hug and kiss alot, and hang out. one day i told patty that i loved her. she said she loved me and that's when we had sex. it was my first time but she seemed to know what she was doing. it was the last time she had sex with me. a few days later we got into an argument and she told me that i couldn't satisfy her and that i wasn't half the man that roger was. i couldn't control myself and i hit her. then i started crying and she started crying and we both apologized and made love again. for the next few weeks things seemed to go back to the way things were, but i've noticed roger and her giving each other weird looks. at first i didn't think nothing of it but skeeter told me that roger's been sniffing around the hen house while i'm away studying for the big test.
well a few days later i went to patty's house and i walk in on roger and patty fucking. i was heartbroken. i sobbed like a little girl. eventually my sadness turned to anger and i thought, what would quailman do?? just then i heard a voice come out as if out of nowhere, "you must kill them doug. you must kill them both." so then i put on my quailman costume and decide that they both must pay for this. i grab a knife out of the kitchen, and i fill a sock full of pennies, and some rope and a can of gas from the garage and then proceed to patty's house hoping that they are both still there. i creep to the window and look into the bedroom and see them both still in bed asleep. i bet they didn't even notice when i walked in on them. fucking whores.
so then i let myself in. quietly as i have a key. roger is at this time up and going to the bathroom. quietly i sneak up on him and hit him on the head with the sock and he drops like a sack of honker burgers. next i tie him up and go into the bedroom. there's patty, sleeping the sleep of the innocent. my angel.
patty my love.
patty you whore.
you said you'd love me forever.
i then take out my knife and wake patty up gently. when her eyes open and she realizes who it is i put my hand over her mouth and show her the knife and tell her to be quiet or i'll kill her. then i bind her hands, gag her, and blindfold her and walk her down to the front room where roger is bound and gagged. i pull up a chair for her and tie her to it. i then clear off the coffee table and place roger upon it and tie him down.
i ball up my fist and hit her. i ask her why did she do this to me?? why don't you love me??? she tells me she loves me.
all of the sudden i hear quailman's voice again saying that she's nothing but a whore and she needs to pay. and i agree. i go out into the garage and look for some tools and i find a hacksaw, some rubber tubing, and a flathead screw driver. i take them back into the front room and go and fill a bucket with water and dump it on roger's nude body.
he wakes up and has no clue where he is. but once he sees me he gets a terrified look in his eyes. it's satisfying and i chuckle. just then i get an idea that i should let them go and that maybe this isn't such a good idea that they have been scared enough.
and i hear quailman shout YOU FAGGOT LOSER, ONCE SKEETER LEARNS OF THIS HE'LL TELL EVERYONE AND YOU'LL BE A LAUGHING STOCK. and it's true skeeter would tell everyone. once he gets a few lines of coke into him he can't keep his mouth shut about anything.
i can feel it.
the night.
the sorrow.
patty my love.
i reply; "patty, for the crime of being a whore the punishment is death. roger for the crime of being a total douchebag i'm gonna cut things off of you and if you live good. but i doubt you will. oh and patty you get to watch." I say with an ever widening smile spreading across my face like a fire tearing through the rainforest.
then i get to work. first I tie off just above his ankle with some rubber tubing and then take the hacksaw and start sawing through roger's ankle and he starts making muffled screaming noises through the gag i have on him and trying to kick, tears stream down his face. i take a hammer i found in the garage and hit him on the balls with it and tell him that if he wants to live then he'd better stay still. I might get a sloppy cut.
I then look at patty to see her reaction and she’s got her eyes closed tight and she’s sobbing through her gag. That won’t do at all. She needs to see the consequences of her actions. So I go looking through the house for an xacto knife. And I happen to find one in the garage with her father’s tools. I then come into the living room and grab her by her chin and say look at me. She refuses and I slap her. My angel. My love. My patty.
I then tell her if she dosen’t open her fucking eyes right this second and look at me I’m going to peel her eyelids off. She still dosen’t open her eyes, so me being the man of my word cut her eyelids off. one simple stroke. and she’s shaking. I look back at roger and he’s sweating and his eyes are fixed on the ceiling and he’s making noises through his gag. I put my xacto down and pick up the kitchen knife and cut off his gag so I can hear what he’s saying. Right then he starts begging. pleading. "For the love of god doug you’ve done enough. Please don’t kill us, we get the point I won’t fuck with you no more please doug please doug pleasepleaseplease." It’s then I say to him I’m not doug. I’m the motherfucking quailman.
(TL; DR)
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Also: FEATURE
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"I'm the motherfucking quailman." Thank you Jeb.
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operator: omfg yours to wht the fuck is going on thts like the 10th call in an hour
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That hand puppet was very expensive...
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Says they fucked, then said it was the last time they had sex.
Then they argued and had make-up sex.
This story is not satisfying. >:(
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[looks at Franky Whiskey's gravatar]
...you are no longer my son.
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well done, psychopath artist... well. done.
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But seriously, it was pretty badly done. Try again (also, replying to a comment over five years old lol).
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@Deathcock: Doug is ridden with amazing stuff. But so are other cartoons from '90's Nickelodeon. I have one such series in mind whose porn is quite mind bending.
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I have a feeling that story was inspired by it anyway though.
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Same. Only I have nothing to win.
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A lesser son of greater sires.
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Huh? Ah. More whining about feature selections...Too tired to care about hearing how I can't measure up to Tit and all that.
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to the gentleman I'm miss-fortune
to the ladies I'm sir-prise
but call me by any name
anyway it's all the same
I'm the fly in your soup
I'm the pebble in your shoe
I'm the pea beneath your bed
I'm a bump on every head
I'm the peel on which you slip
I'm a pin on every hip
I'm a thorn in your side makes you wiggle and writhe
and it's so easy being evil
this is the life you see
the devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I'm evil
and I do it all for free
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.
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That anon was so right. Fukken wimps...
I am not okay with this.
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*looks up some more Doug 34*
...I'll just be over in the corner, crying.
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HONK HONK
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remember, rule 34 is meant to scar you childhood, not get you off
Still, felt kinky so i fapped later to this:
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I'm thinking it's the ketchup from the ketchup packet he saved from their first meeting.
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